I've decided I am done with the junk in my life. All of it.
Done especially with the inside stuff that makes me hesitant and deny myself the opportunity to be my truest self.
I have become obsessed with cleaning out my house over the past few months (okay, years). Many rooms (I never seem to do one at a time) have found themselves exploded in that gotta-make-a-mess-before-it-gets-organized stage.
This summer, I went through all the books. Then my daughters' rooms, which we decluttered using FaceTime while they were in Nashville and Galveston. My clothes--so many are out the door to charity. Soon, I will take on the basement. (How many paint cans of we-might-need-this-[color]-to-touch-up-dings do we really have to keep?)
In August, Ruth and I tackled our family's house in New Hampshire. Hauling everything out of cabinets and drawers and trunks, we sorted into piles of keep/toss/recycle/donate then tidily reorganized what we kept. The joy it brought us was palpable.
I have been using the Marie Kondo method. I admit I have not read her books, but I have watched her YouTube videos on folding clothes, and how to tell whether something you own sparks joy.
The method has worked beautifully--if I touch an item and it brings me joy, it stays. If not, it's out the door.
I enjoy folding laundry now, making my drawers look tidy. I use packing cubes when I travel, which are not only tidy, but make it easier to find just what I need. (And, yes, true confession, I selected this company's product not only for their bright colors, but because dot-dot is one of Jonathan's pet names for me.)
I've gotten rid of many items I've held on to for whatever reason--usually nostalgia or inertia (it's been in that same spot for years...). But if I touch it, and as Kondo says, my body feels weighed down, then it goes.
She recommends removing and analyzing everything, in purses, closets, drawers, cabinets. Using the does-it-spark-joy method, you keep only what you need everyday.
Now, can I apply this to own self?
Will I be able to touch all that arises in me at a particular moment, hold it close, and assess it?
If I feel frustration, fear, or resentment, and it weighs me down, can I toss it away?
I realize this simplifies a complex process, and suggests a presumed ease with which to get rid of all the extra stuff we carry. Maybe we have to find ways to live with certain things. But, maybe not.
If I declutter what is inside, perhaps what benefits me will be easier to find.
When a sense of being, thought, or emotion sparks joy, I will (like Kondo recommends with clothes), fold it carefully, touch it with love, and keep it. I will offer it my gratitude and affection.
In her video, after folding a piece of beloved clothing, Kondo demonstrates how it will stand on its own.
I am ready. I too want to stand free.