Caught in an inner maelstrom of crankiness, sadness, and stuckness, I turned to a source that has never let me down. Angel Cards.
I had been sitting at my desk, trying to write after hanging out two loads of laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, and knowing there was still so much to do. I felt grumpy, grouchy, oh-so-weary, and angry about it all.
I didn't know how to proceed.
So I reached for my Angel Cards, opened the outer box, and took out the small box inside:
So many times over the past 30 years, ever since I was first introduced to these cards, I have turned to them when I felt lost. When pain was too much, decisions too difficult. And every time, I have found them healing and heart-strengthening. So I decided to give them a try.
First, I laid them out, upside down, (never looking at the words, the angels), always so every card could be seen and not touch one another. Sometimes I laid them in a pattern, sometimes in a messy array.
This time I went with messy.
I closed my eyes, and thought about what I needed. Sometimes I ask a question. This time I just said, Help.
I began looking at them, at their identical pale purple backs with a outlined angel. Really looking at each card, waiting to be drawn to the one who might help me. I felt an inner worry--what if I pick the wrong one (after 30 years, you'd think I would have learned to trust them!).
I found myself continually going back to the same one.
I chose it and turned it over.
I took a deep breath, and nodded. I immediately knew I wasn't being honest with myself. I was expecting to be able to Do-It-All!! But I could not. I could not get the whole house organized. I could not fix the world.
Listen. Pay attention. Be honest with who YOU ARE.
Deep in this inner pondering and acknowledging, I still felt another angel calling. I looked at the cards again, wondering if there was another that would answer my plea. Drawn again to one of the little purple cards,
I turned it over.
I shook my head and smiled. Of the 72 possible cards, I've chosen this one many, many times. I looked at the back side to see if it was marked in some way. It was not. This was my angel, my reminder of who I am:
A seeker of beauty in the natural world.
I decided, despite weariness, to go for a walk, but still, I felt a calling to the cards. I scanned them, and my eyes locked onto another.
Yes. Be honest with yourself. Seek beauty, and harmony will prevail.
It was time to put the cards away, and go outside. As always, as I picked them up, I didn't look at the angel side. I just tucked them back in their box.
But this one fell out into my hand.
I felt a flash of tears. Oh, how I needed this angel. She was the last messenger, a unifier of all I had chosen, or had chosen me.
I needed them all.
I laid the four cards in a line on my desk.
Honesty. Beauty. Harmony. Balance.
Even the first letters were balanced.
I had my angels, helping me to connect to my soul-self.
I put on my boots, slung on camera and binoculars, walked outdoors and into the woods.
And found this gift.
A recently-fledged baby Pileated Woodpecker.
The four angels still sit on my desk, arranged in the order they called to me. One day, I will be ready to release them.
Then I will put them back in the box with the others,
until I need to call on the angels again.
Note: Click here to learn more about the Angel Cards, buy a box, get the Angel Card app -- yep, I have that, too.)